Breakups & Doughnuts: 3 Things I Wish I Knew Before Heartbreak

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If you were to ask me,

 

“Corina, what is the most ridiculous thing you have ever done?” 

 

I would respond with a smirk, laugh nervously, and tell you that the most ridiculous thing I have ever done is cry over boy.

 

But that would be a lie.

 

Not the part about crying over a boy. (Or a few boys, don’t judge).

 

These past four years have been a whirlwind of tears, healing, doughnuts, Jesus, and two epiphanies:

1. Doughnuts don’t fix all your problems but it is okay to pretend like they do every now and then.
2. Heart break is real, but so is God.

 

I don’t know where you are today, but if you’re reading this post, and you are in the middle of a heart break season, this is for you. I want to give you some reassurance because maybe no one ever told you this but:
It’s not ridiculous to cry over a boy. It’s not dumb to miss someone. You aren’t crazy, you’re heartbroken.

 

AND IT’S OKAY TO HURT.

 

It’s not out of the ordinary that you cry, scream, and want to punch something. If you’re like me, you’re probably telling everyone you’re okay because you think that if anyone knew that you were still hurt, they would think you were crazy or weak. You aren’t either of those things, but you are hurt and you are heart broken, but you don’t have to stay there.

 

I’ve had five conversations this past year with different friends going through bad break ups. Every time I walked away from those conversations I couldn’t help but remember my 16 year old self, freshly heart-broken, crying in my mom’s room. Every night. For a year. (again, don’t judge)

 

I pray that a year from now you’ve let God do some healing in you. But it took me a long time to understand that it was okay to be hurt and that God had something more for me. I’ve learned that we have to understand both of truths before we can truly step into a healing season.

 

It’s okay to fall into a pit, but its not okay to stay there. It’s not okay to isolate yourself.

 

If you are in the middle of a season of heart break, even from something other than a break up, this is for you. Transitions and tragedies come in many shapes and forms that can wear you down but they can’t take you out.

 

Before you leave this page, before you go and grab some espresso and a doughnut (which I highly suggest), here are 3 things I wish I knew before I experienced heart break:

 

1. Time doesn’t heal. Jesus does.

 

Don’t stay where you are and expect real healing in a few months. Getting over something isn’t the same as being healed. If you just sit and wait you’ll end up shutting everything out or letting everything into your heart. I know that people are telling you that time will heal, and that you will get through this. You will get through this, but you won’t get through it with a whole and healed heart without running to the one that created your heart. I can promise you that without His healing and involvement in this season of your life, you might walk away happy but not whole, over it but still wounded. Time doesn’t bring change, growth, or healing. Intentionally seeking Jesus and allowing Him to work in your heart does.

 

2. Hating doesn’t heal. Love does.

 

Hating on someone, talking crap about them, and gossiping might make you feel good, but it’ll make you look real bad. Wounded people wound people. Don’t walk away from this season without letting the one who loved you first, show you what it means to truly be loved. Find someone you trust to express what you are going through, but guard your mouth and be intentional with your conversations. Speak life and let others speak life over you. If the only people you talk to, are negative and gossipy, find some new friends who care more about your heart than your emotions.

 

3. This is not the end.

 

Paul, who was actually nearly at the end of his life many times wrote a compelling and challenging piece of scripture that adds so much perspective to the rough seasons in our lives:

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.” 1 Corinthians 4: 8-10

 

I don’t say this to take away from the reality of the hurt that you are feeling. I speak from experience when I tell you that I know it hurts, but God heals. I know it sucks, but Jesus is still Lord. I know you want to give up, but you have been called, anointed, appointed, and created with a love that you will understand more because of this season. I pray that as you press into Jesus that you start to see that this season is just a launching pad into the destiny and future that the Lord has dreamed for you!

XO, Corina

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